June 9, 2021

Last night after we left the hospital, Hunter and I went back to the scene of the accident. As we passed it, we noticed the police markings on the pavement, so we stopped and got out of the car for a better look. If you look at the picture foreground, all of the markings note the vehicle and bike. If you zoom in and look to the background, there are two "H"s and arrows on the ground. The farthest one is where Holland was found, the closer one is where Hunter was lying when the police arrived. He had crawled to get close enough to touch her finger and try to help her hold on for help. That farthest "H' is 35 feet away from where the bike is marked to be. Farther that we first thought, but a very sobering reality.

As we walked around and looked on the pavement (11pm), we found a few shards of Hunter's motorcycle and we found Holland's watch. It is an interesting note that Hunter flew at least 25 feet himself and he is sore and scuffed, but he will be ok, his watch had a slight scratch on it. Holland's watch is completely shattered. I walked around with it in my hand along with the small pieces of the bike. I can't let them go. There are not too many reasons why I would crawl around looking under cars on the road and searching nearby yards and sidewalks at 11 o'clock at night, but this was worth it. It wasn't easy, but I am glad we did it. I feel like there will be many more such experiences.

The police investigation shows the fault is the driver of the car, which we already knew, but it is good to see it on paper. Not that it helps Holland, but it helps all of us to have some closure on what happened. There are so many other things that will take so much more time to determine.

There are still no significant changes for Holland. The trauma team are not very optimistic about how things are looking. The neurosurgeon is still hopeful for some level of recovery. He said this morning, the one thing he is certain of is that she will not be 100 percent of how she was before. Beyond that, it is unknown.

The scriptures tell us that we should "wait patiently upon the Lord". A long time ago, I came to understand that waiting is an active word, not a passive state of being. If you go to a restaurant, you want a waiter that actively sees what you need or want and does so with a pleasant attitude. Likewise, we need to have a good attitude. We need to be actively seeking to do His will and look to be obedient because it is the Lord we serve as we wait on Him.

As I have thought about this in recent years, I have also come to understand that we can wait while we tap our foot and complain about how long something is taking, complaining and making everyone miserable, including ourselves; or we can be patient and pleasant and stay busy while we wait. The time passes quicker that way and everyone and everything is made better in the process. I am trying to be a patient waiter.

Right now, waiting is exhausting, it is an emotional rollercoaster, and it is a road of discovery as we learn about the brain and about all of the possibilities ahead of us. I am so grateful for all of the small miracles that have been sprinkled throughout this experience. I am grateful for all the people that have reached out in love and offered prayers on our behalf. I hope we can all be patient waiters together as we find out what the Lord's will is for my sweet Holland.