To be really honest, this past year has been really hard. I haven't written much privately or publicly because the words have just not been there to express the depth of the feelings in my heart. To say that we miss Holland just doesn't say enough. There is a huge piece of our lives that is gone from our presence. She is still with us. We continue to feel her influence and her love, though she is not with us physically. Family activities just feel different, and realizing that I will never have all of my kids together again in this life is just hard. Every day is harder without her, and every family event is a reminder that she is gone. Listening to her favorite songs still makes me cry.
Though it has felt like a very long road these past months, it doesn't seem possible that it will be 2 years this June. My faith is still very much intact. I know that Jesus Christ lives! I know he loves me, and my family. He has not left us alone, nor comfortless. I have always loved the promise of Easter and so many things about Spring that remind us of renewal and resurrection. After the cold and dreariness of winter, the plants all burst in buds and blooms with the hope of warmer weather and more sunshine. Just as sure as this happens every spring, we can all know that our hope in our Savior is just as real and certain. Because Jesus Christ atoned for us and is resurrected, I will see Holland again.
We went to the cemetery on Good Friday. What a poignant reminder that death is not the end. We go to remember, to grieve, to talk to Holland; it is therapeutic in a way. Most importantly, it is a reminder to me that I need to go forward with faith. Life is hard, but our Savior taught that His yoke is easy. I want to be "yoked" to my Savior because I know I cannot do this on my own. Reminders of Holland's life are all around us, we keep her close in our hearts. We share our favorite moments and memories; we often quote some of her best one liners -
"It is what it is!"
"Y'all need Jesus!"
"Remember. you signed up for it."
I hope that just as we remember our loved ones that are no longer with us, that especially, today of all days, we will remember our Savior. He sacrificed all for each and every one of us. He loves us, of that we can be sure, even more than we can imagine. Because of Him, death is not permanent, our separation is only temporary. We will be reunited in love and in faith. I am grateful for God's mercy!