June 29, 2021
- tara6329
- Jun 29, 2021
- 3 min read
It has been hard to think about writing anything this past week. Today has been hard. Thursday, Friday and Saturday were full of travel and tears. I am so grateful for the blessing of friends and family that have shared this journey with us. We truly feel that we have been carried through this storm instead of being left to drown on our own. I was asked after Holland's memorial service on Saturday if it was draining to talk to so many and to exchange hugs and conversation. Honestly, the only word that came to mind was "uplifted". So much love for her and for our family has been shared with us, and it has helped us to feel the love of our Savior.
Holland is an amazing person. I love her dearly and we miss her dearly. I know that she is ok with Him, she is better than we are. It is hard to let her go, and the day to day stinks. I am grateful for my family and the opportunity to reconnect with friends and family we haven't seen in a long time. That will be one of Holland's miracles, as well. Sunday we were able to gather as a family and share our testimonies of our Savior together along with our remembrances of Holland and how we have felt His hand of comfort in all of this. It was a sweet moment of unity as a family.
Yesterday and today have been a struggle of getting things put back together, unpacked and put away. I don't want to be back to normal, but I know we have to get there - at least to the new normal. Holland would never have dreamed of so many that have paid their respects at her passing. It has continually been humbling and overwhelming and comforting all at the same time. Now that the formalities are over, everyone else is getting back to their lives and doing what everyone was doing before or what they had planned. A friend shared that at the passing of her mother, she felt like her world had stopped while everyone else's world kept turning the same and she wanted to say, "how can you not notice this incredible person is gone?". I feel that right now.
Last night, our youngest was having a hard time going to sleep as I was tucking her in for the night. Thru her tears, she asked if we could go into Holland's room. I answered "yes", and as we walked into her room, we found my husband, and my two other children already in there. Obviously, we all had the same longing to feel near to her. So after taking a while in her room together, we eventually all made our way to our own beds. Our world is still spinning but definitely changed. I keep thinking about a story our church leader shared about a text she sent him as she met one of her goals, "Boom! Don't give up!" It was as she hit one of her weight lifting goals, and she was encouraging him. I had never heard that story before. That has been going through my mind all day as I keep trying to put one foot in front of the other, "Boom! Don't give up!" I won't give up. I will do my best to live my best, to be kind, to be obedient, to love as the Savior loves, so I can see her again, along with our Taylor, and our Savior someday.
Her memory flows through my mind, like a beautiful glowing light.
Memories are all we really have in this life. Nothing else last forever except our Lord Jesus. We cherish the memories of big fun events, or quiet simple times as Tara wrote about Holland's playing her musical instruments..one by one.
What a house full of forever memories.
Sifting through all the heartache, even through the tears, we must let these memories flow into our conversations as we gather together to share what we miss about Holland. Time will easy our pain, but remembering, Holland's will live in our hearts forever. I wake up every morning and her memory runs through my head, and the shock into reality hits me...as…
Thank you for continuing to share with us. The grief is like the ocean...it can feel all consuming at times and peaceful and still at others. Like the ocean, it comes in waves, with some peaks overpowering and some of the valleys leave us feeling like things might some day return to normal. Know that you are not alone in this ocean, but that we are all with you, making our way back to our heavenly home.
Holland Rodriguez, had the world at her fingertips. Capable of achieving her dreams and ambitions. Even her personal struggles, did not hold her back as she had unstoppable determination.
You could not describe Holland in a sentence or page, but maybe a book. As we all experienced different beautiful times with Holland. We saw her talents..I think we just were not aware at that time how brilliant she was.
She was not complex. She was not stubborn or difficult. Holland had a heart of Gold..and God knew her..
And God took Holland for his own.
And we will rejoice as we meet and hug and kiss her again, in Heaven.
Always in our hearts & mind ❤❤
Gramma & Grampa…
I don't know what I could say that would make this time any easier. But, then it's not supposed to be easy when you love someone as dearly as you love all of your children. All I can think of is to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't be in such a hurry to return to a normal life. We understand the need to grieve. I'm positive the Lord also understands. We understand how wonderful each member of the Rodriguez family is and will try to be there as much as we are able to mourn with you. We love and appreciate you and all of the wonderful things you do so selflessly. Take care of yourself and loved ones.
It was a wonderful service. I am grateful For Technology that allowed me to be there. I send y’all my love. And the Lord is blessing your family.