Today is hard. It has become painfully obvious that we are not making any progress from where we were a week ago. No changes. Nothing really worsening, except that no improvement means less and less possibility for a reasonable recovery. It is hard to imagine Holland not being able to be Holland. They are presently taking her for an MRI to determine if there is anything that has not shown up before on the CT scans that might explain what is or is not happening.
It is interesting to note how hard habits are wired into us. Holland has windows of time here and there where her eyes open slightly and she seems to see us. She does not respond to us, nor does she communicate in any way- but I watched her pop her knuckles with her thumb across each finger today. She has done it once before a couple of days ago. Not a great habit, but obviously, still there ;). She had a brief moment today when I was helping her with physical therapy exercises that her left arm decided it could be strong for a moment and she tried to reach up to pull everything out of herself. Her left side stays tied down except for exercise time because she does randomly move it at times. Her right side is completely non responsive. Her response to anything on the left seems much less than it was a couple of days ago as well. They removed the air tube from her side today, but the drain tube in her brain is proving to be more difficult. Her brain is not weaning off of it quite as expected. She is taking things very slowly.
With a family as large as ours, it is rare that all of our children are gathered in one place. Tomorrow, we will all be together. I am so grateful for the blessing of family and for the opportunity to be together at such a difficult time. There is strength in numbers and I feel it most when we are united as a family. We will miss our sweet daughter in law, son in law and grandbabies, but I am thankful for their sacrifice and support so Holland can have all of her siblings with her. I know our sweet angel daughter Taylor is with us as well. Taylor has been our special angel for 26 years now, but I know she is close and I know she looking out for us. I know this is hard for all of us, but it is easier when we bear it together. We are trying our best to not just keep our faith in Christ, but to keep our faith strong in Christ.
This quote from Lisa Harkness sums up many of my feelings today -
Even in turbulent times, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is gritty and resilient. It helps us sift through unimportant distractions. It encourages us to keep moving along the covenant path. Faith pushes through discouragement and allows us to face the future with resolve and squared shoulders. It prompts us to ask for rescue and relief as we pray to the Father in the name of His Son. And when prayerful pleas seem to go unanswered, our persistent faith in Jesus Christ produces patience, humility, and the ability to reverently utter the words “Thy will be done.”
Thank you for your continued prayers. We are still feeling so loved and we know that we are being watched over every step along our way.